Talk about your bait and switch!

Although women’s chests are still popular on infomercials (and elsewhere ) many of these products actually have to do with mammaries. One of the most frequently broadcast is the infomercial for the Ahh Bra. Created by Rhonda Shear, the Ahh Bra as seen on TV is supposed to give better support than traditional bras. Of course you should look into the question does Ahh Bra work for yourself before making any purchase.

When you think about it, it makes sense to keep airing commercials with Billy Mays. He filmed many dozens of infomercials. Some of the many products he endorsed include Zorbeez cloths, the Quick Chop chopper, and many others as you can see in this video:

I bet the creators of these commercials wondered if they would need to pull the ads after the death of Billy Mays. But since his death Mays has gotten more famous than ever, so if the manufacturers of Zorbeez shammy or the QuickChop kitchen device want to sell their products, it makes sense to keep airing the Billy Mays ads until they stop making sales.

I wonder if upon the death of other well-known infomercial spokesmen the ads would continue to be broadcast. If Vince from ShamWow died, would they keep airing his Slap Chop ads. (Actually I haven’t seen his infomercials for the ShamWow shammy or the Slap Chop food chopper in a while, so maybe it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.)

In any case, seeing Billy Mays on TV probably gives reassurance to people who are wondering if the product really works.

Then, you think—maybe they all have done an government grants infomercial? But President Obama has not, if you define infomercial in the strictest sense of the word.

So who is Matthew Lesko? Ayn Rand would say—he is not John Galt. But I ramble.

Because then people would say, who on earth is Ayn Rand, who is John Galt, and who is this Cramer guy? Then a hint of what Matthew Lesko does is revealed. He dishes advice on the stock market, without doing research. He just does it on his own sensibility. But he is not a psychic like Miss Cleo. Although, like Miss Cleo, Matthew Lesko’s wardrobe which is a yellow bowtie, and a jacket adorned with yellow question marks is memorable and unlike Miss Cleo’s turban, is being offered for free.

The symbolic meaning of the yellow question marks that are all over his jacket do not miss my sharp and observant eye, nor set my insight astray. I know what it means. It signifies mystery.

Besides, a review of the Matthew Lesko infomercial explained the man of mystery in one clear word which I discerned through a mysterious process of the brainwaves of my mind being activated by words on a site viewed through my eyes. Hucksterism. Matthew Lesko is a huckster. But would that mean that so too are President Obama, Richard Simmons, Ayn Rand, John Galt, and Cramer?

Enter Jay “The Juiceman” Kordich who claims his bladder cancer was cured by following a juice-intensive diet. Well, such things are not new to people who have chosen alternative routes to dealing with cancer. Whether they work or not is another question. But definitely, fresh juice from the fruit is healthy.

And Jay Kordich seems to have a killing personality where some people are concerned. His infomercial has gotten people calling in orders in droves, and Macy’s opened their own “Juice Centers” due to a demand created by Kordich, they say.

The juicer has gotten a sizeable number of fans, indeed. One woman was thrilled to meet Jay Kordich, who seems to be so persuasive that she was determined to get juicing on the spot. Even more, she described Kordich as “amazing”, “awesome”, and “intense”. The juicer, she said, worked well.

And yet, when you see his image in his Juiceman Juicer infomercial the white hair, et al seems a bit overwhelming. I mean, the eyebrows are huge. There is one thing good about this Juiceman juice machine though. When you look up people’s commentary on forums, you get exposed to all sorts of things, like text message writing.

Guess for example what srs means. Right! In text talk, srs means serious. I have learned however, that once you may discern the meaning of a text message on a forum, you have yet another challenge—discerning the sense or meaning or purpose of the sentence behind the puzzle. For example: “also, man juice is sumthin moar srs than wut u refrd 2”. Then you wonder, could srs mean sinister? I mean, talk Hebrew for heaven’s sake. At least they don’t use vowels but it worked for centuries.

Back to the Juiceman. The cancer remark, I can take. But this one took it way over the edge: “If you want to get real high, you need only to drink a glass of straight parsley juice. It’ll be the highest high you’ve ever had in your life, and the only side effect will be that it’ll put you in the restroom and you won’t come out for 7 days.”

I refuse to sit for the same length of time that it took for the world to be created.

This leads me to believe that one woman was wrong when she said that Miss Cleo Yankees and Cubs in WS is ditzy. I mean, she has become successful in selling a service the truthfulness of which she need not prove—at no investment cost on her part except for infomercial airtime which pays for itself when people call in for their fortunes.

And she’s got fans. SoUtHcHiK thinks she’s fabulous and said, “I am like a white male version of  Miss  Cleo!” Even more, Miss Cleo has been compared to President Obama. Being compared to the President of the United States has got to be a compliment for anybody. With one paradigm shift, she feels complimented, he may feel dissed. But that article that compared Miss Cleo to the President came out twice, copy paste that. Miss Cleo has even been channeled with regards to a vintage mailbox. Even if it was a possibly-maybe-vintage mailbox. So she must be feeling some channeled love.

One woman analyzed Miss Cleo’s style of fortunetelling blow for blow proving logically how she scams, but does she really care if her clairvoyance is doubted? Remember, the sound of a phone is not far from that of a cash register. Ding ding.

One man ponders, “Eww, I hope they switched them otherwise he just put hard boiled egg in with those salty nuts and Oreos.” Now I am old, I know the nuances of nuts versus metaphorical nuts; and loving the nuts and slap chopping the nuts; which Vince would regret were he to really do that to the metaphorical nuts. But for the life of me, what is the meaning of LULZ? And in fairness to Vince, that did not come from him. My glass bubble has no translation for ESISOTN. And that one’s just for me to know.

Back to nuts, there are some people out there who are interested in buying the Slap Chop but they plan to get it at Walmart.

Here are other options to “You’ll love my nuts”. Not from Vince but inspired by him, “Veggies on top of pizza? What a concept.” And from Vince, “Watch to the 52 second mark.”. And then, as to the question of why Vince of Slap Chop and Shamwow fame wears headsets, “It dispenses the meth so he stays excitable.” Finally, Vince’s penultimate promise once you have the Slap Chop, “You’re going to have an exciting life now.” One more time—“You’ll love my nuts”.

Because Nads is supposed to be growing hair on a hairy back. Why would anyone want a hairy back? What culture is this? Why would anyone want one?

So people are looking at these four pictures of a man’s back where the first photo is totally without hair, and it grows gradually until the fourth photo where his hair could qualify him to play King Kong in a movie. At least, for the back shots. Two links were attached. And the discussion ensued. Did he ever even lose hair on his back in the first place?

France, now that’s another story. When I was a child, I was told that French women did not shave their underarms as it was considered sexy. Now there is this ad for Nads hair removal gel supposedly, seen in France. But Nads is here presented as an alternative to shaving. The ad was seen on a street in Paris. So I ask again, what does Nads do?

Even before the mystery is resolved as to the actual use of Nads, someone points out a Nads review website that she loves not for the infomercial, but for the comical review. Does she care about the product? No, she says it is “Not the product; the INFOMERCIAL.”

We are left with varied scenarios: Both Nads are different products. Both products are the same, but are misunderstood. No one knows what Nads does. No one cares if they are the same or different. Unless someone buys Nads and then wonders what they are supposed to do with it.

Take, for example, the Santo Gold infomercial that went around for the Santo Gold. One person said his primary regret in life is to never have seen his infomercial. Laid back, right? Said another, Santo Gold is comparable to the National Taxpayers Union brief against porkbarrel spending. But this next phrase I do love-freakin strange and absurdly beautiful.

Yet I am not drawn to watch this infomercial or purchase this wrestling video of an alien with a human wrestler nor buy his 24 karat five year guarantee gold. Why? If it is good enough as bribes by illegal immigrants to Canada border guards (who, it is said, also like walkmans) then why not me? Or them, for that matter, meaning everybody else except the Canada border guards.

I mean it already comes with a Blood Circus Scream Bag are we swine? Lost film for 23 years, and waiting for a producer to buy them? Hollywood? Bollywood? Anybody wood?

Wouldn’t anyone want to go to his website because he has generated such a comparatively serious tone in the art of infomercial ridicule and its fine practitioners. Imagine the genius of wedding fine Santo Gold with spacemen and wrestlers and the original Santo Gold Song music with original lyrics. As one person articulated, “What? Huh?”

Santo Gold is Bizarre and awesome. But then, one man’s garbage is another man’s Santo Gold.